South Sudan Journal, Parts 21 & 22 (of 29)

Message #21 February 28, 2004



Hello Mom and Dad, and everyone else.

It has been a while, but the night is cleared of people, I think I can write a while.

Many people have asked if things are going all right, I think I should answer that.

Well, where to begin? I think it has been a month or so since I last wrote.

In January, we arrived back from the evacuation, and things were busy setting up again, and re-evaluating efforts we were putting into staff training. Much effort was put into training, but then we left for three weeks, and we observed things back to how they were, (staff coming in late, working little and leaving early.) It was apparent that we were not working in the most ideal environment, with the most ideal staff. However, I guess that is why we are here, if it were paradise, we would have to fight the other NGOs to get some patients.

By the end of the month, Evert (our Project Coordinator) and some other staff were out, leaving me as team leader, and +/- 5 others to run things. That was a nice time, but damn busy. Already Charlie, (the second Log here) has been out for months and his work put on me, and then with Evert out, things were just really busy, and quite messy.

Funny side story: Things were so busy, with so many interuptions, that one day in a desperate attempt to get some work done without distractions, I closed the office. Hey, why not? When we evacuate, they find answers without us, why not then. So, I put a sign over the entrance to the compound reading, "Logistic office closed today. Only come in with urgent questions that cannot wait till tomorrow."

The first part of the morning went well. I like that feeling of successful problem solving. Not many interuptions. Then I thought with all the work I was getting through, I could take a break and look at what the log staff was doing. So, I walked out and around and couldn't find anyone on the logistic labour staff. I sent a guard to FIND the supervisor and BRING him to me. A little while later, a confused John came to see me. "Yes?" "Where is the staff?" "Some are at home, some in the market, I was in Church." "Why aren't you working?" "The office is closed today." (Damn. I've been beaten again!) "I think we should close the office more often." (Beaten by a child!)

There were other times of defeat. That really is the feeling I was having, defeat. There is one quote that summed my feelings up, "don't argue with fools. They will bring you down to their level, and beat you by experience."

The labour staff was working on the fence, where there is some wire. They needed some wire cutters, but with all the "missing" tools, I only had one pair of wire cutters left. "No, you cannot have them, chew the wire, I don't care how you cut it, you are not getting my last pair!" (I said it a little nicer than that, but those were my deepest feelings. Remember, I was defeated at the time.) After some time, and much persistance from the staff, and many many agreements that I would get them back, I handed over MY LAST PAIR OF WIRE CUTTERS. As they walked away, I had a sinking feeling, like I would never see them again.

8 hours later, all the log staff, a translator and I sat in silence in a circle. In defeat, I waited and waited. In fear, they waited and waited. The wind whistled, the dust blew, and nothing was said at all. Finally, I broke the silence. "So... Can anyone explain to me how the wire cutters went missing?" We sat in silence again for some minutes, until Big Isaac spoke, almost in tears. (Big Issac is called Big Issac, because he is big. He is bigger than Big Joe back home. He is my height, but really big. It is hard seeing a big man like that almost in tears). He said, "I put them down, and when I came back, they were gone. You told us not to lose them, you told us they were the last pair, I didn't want to lose them... I lost them." Then in big wet eyes he looked at me and in his rough english said, "I'm sorry tall man."

There is the highest comfort in company, while being defeated. I remember cheering up, while sea-sick, if there were others. Now, Big Issac's defeat consoled me that I was not alone. I know no one wanted to defeat me; I get the feeling I am liked by the staff, but it is more the environment, and the hungry people here that are defeating me.

I should say though that there are victories too, many of them.

The math classes have been one of the biggest victories! After the evacuation, I asked the labour staff what days we should have lessons. They talked at length and replied, "Monday to Saturday." "Oh, only, eh? And how long, each lesson?" There was more talk then, "From 1300 to 1600." "How about two days, two hours?" "Yes, that is good too." And so it was. The evacuation and other interuptions have made continuity difficult, and knowledge does drop after each break, but there is headway, EVER-SO-SLOWLY.

My last lessons were on grouping objects in piles (stacks) so we could count them easier. THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SEEMS! "There are only four in this pile, and five in that pile. See how this one is higher than that one?... No, you can't just turn the box on it's side to make the pile higher, add one more to make the piles EQUAL..." The long and short of it was, on the plane to take me out on my vacation, I arranged the cargo to be
a simple one, with lots of similarly sized boxes, (10 boxes of soap, 20 of milk, etc etc.) and with tears of joy I stepped back and saw the staff pile them up then report to me. "Here: 3 piles of 5 boxes." "Very good! (VICTORY!) So how many boxes are there?" "20!" "Nice piles! We'll work on the numbers when I get back."

The week before I left was busy with 3 monthly medical orders, orders to get more stuff to replace things looted in Pultruk, orders to replace things taken to the Kala Azar project, I was doing Everts flight planning and there was all the end of month bookkeeping and WFP reporting too. Further, I wanted to get things ready for Daniel (who was coming from the Nuba project to replace the Logistician me) and Charlie (who was coming from Loki to replace the Team Leader me). It was busy.

Daniel arrived the day before I left. That was great. Once he arrived, a weight was off my shoulders. I met Daniel in Holland two years ago, and roomed with him for a course of two weeks. On parting, we each expressed a wish that we would work together in the future, and here it was. (That one evening, and next morning.) But I think once he gets back from his vacation, he will be more of this project, at least from an advising role, since he has lived it for three weeks and has some insights of how to calm the circus and keep the tools.

Often when someone would come up to me and ask for something, Daniel would just say hello, extend a hand, and gracefully pull them away as they chat, so I could finish something peacefully.

So, that plane came, the stacking happened, and off I went, to head to Loki, then Nairobi and then to meet with Christina for a wonderful vacation and a good sleep.

On the plane, there was a vaccine coolbox labeled, "Steve's personal vaccine." I lifted it out from under a seat and heard a clink. Smiles all around! The boys in Loki packed some cold beers for me and the others for our flight out. ITS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE LIFE GREAT!!!

A flight to Loki went well, a night in Loki, then the next day to Nairobi. This was quick. A briefing with our head of mission on some issues, (while he had a phone call I went to the office washroom for the beginings of a long needed shave) then to the house to drop bags, shop for flowers, and off to the airport all in a hurry. Christina was there, as planned, back to the house for some dinner, and not too long after that sleep came over me.

We stayed in Nairobi for some time, catching up on sleep and on each other's lives. She just finished a major exam, and was equally tired, so that slower schedule worked very well. We did a safari to the Maasai Mara park where we saw lions, giraffs, hundreds of zebras, gazelles, etc etc. It was very nice, and I recommend it to everyone. From there, we went to Zanzibar for 8 days. That was the best part I think. Zanzibar Island is off the coast of Tanzinia. It has an Arabic background atmosphere, mixed with a laid back Africa feeling.

A highlight was the Stonetown night market. In this market dozens of venders have arrays of seafoods and other delights spread across a table, with grill to heat them, all for small dollars. We ate, and ate some more; it was very good. Also, I did some shopping around for things to send home, as I still am trying to figure out how importing businesses work, and the art there was very good.

After Stonetown, we went up to Nungwi beach, home of more great seafood, a great beach and some nice bars and restaurants on the beach. There was one, "Cholo's" on the beach where you can sip your beer, go for a swim, then go back to your beer, sit in a hammock, etc, etc. I slept a lot, and did nothing all day. GREAT STUFF!

3 weeks of that, then back to Nairobi, and back to Loki, then Lankien.

On the way into the project, there is a lot of anticipation. When I first went here, I had inexperience calming me down. Now I knew what I was getting into. When I arrived, Daniel gave me a big welcome, and a knowing look. He said, "you must be a very patient person." And stories came forth supporting why he thought that. The staff had given him a hard time, not by doing anything different than what they do, but by being different than his staff. Nuba is in a different area, with different education, different climate, different market, etc etc. I think the realities in Lankien hit Daniel, and he left before he could see the victories that can come from here. But also, I took in some of his reports, a little too hard.

The situation here is getting more complicated. The TB patient numbers are still going up. We have 168 TB patients now, and there is just no more room for them. We brough in two large tents, and Daniel started construction on another large tukel to house them, but we figure the numbers will climb over the next month to 200, and we need three additional tukels, more latrines, more cooking areas, more milk distribution areas, more this and that. Try building that when the staff can't even keep a pair of wire cutters; I thought as I pondered our situation.

Plus, we haven't started a feeding program yet, but that will come soon enough. Plus, Kala Azar numbers are not going down fast enough for my projections of patient food to last. (We already ran out of some of the distributed food items three weeks ago, and this week we will run out of more if WFP doesn't come.) Plus, Charlie (the other Log) is still in the Kala Azar project, and there is only talk that he will return soon; talk, but no Charlie.

Plus, it is now hot here. I don't know the temperature, but I don't quite care that much. I shower at night, because the water is cooler then, but still it is almost too hot to stand under. I know it will get hotter, but from cool Nairobi, this was a thump in the face and load on the lungs.

Before I left, I gave two instructions for my new tukel. Don't line the ceiling with plastic, use the cotton sheeting. It allows a little more hot air out at night. And two, make my bed longer and wider. I got into my new tukel, and the staff was happy to show me my plastic ceiling and my bed, specially made for me, tall and skinny (the bed was long, but skinny, "just like Tall Man, not like Big Issac.") Could I really win this game?

While staring at the half finished TB tukel Daniel started the day after I left, determined to finish it before I returned, but almost abandoned by his frustration of the labour staff's laziness, I was overcome by the feeling of upcoming defeat. These things built up to making me a little overwhelmed at being back, and of not knowing how I was going to get through these next two months. Time slowed down, I focused on the esentials, drink water and keep breathing. Good, now lie down and don't forget the breathing part. Good, now take on a very small thing, and complete that task perfectly, that will build your confidence to help you succeed with all the rest. For my first task, I will try sitting up. SUCCESS!!! The rest of it cannot be that hard now, look at how well I sat up!

Before I left, I asked Daniel to make some observations and recommendations to me about how things run, and how to make them run smoother. He had some good ideas and one really strong one. He told me, "of the 9 labourers, keep Isiah, and replace the rest!" It hit me a little hard to read that. Am I getting too attached to my team to view them objectively? Am I allowing my affection for these guys to come in the way of noticing problems they cause? Is there no hope for them? I regressed back to the debate, "are we only saving lives here, to die another day?" or "Is there something else I am doing here?" On a memorial at U of T, there is a part of a phrase that reads something like, "though their bodies lie at rest, they live on in the hearts and minds of those they touched." And therein lay my answer.

Day two: I woke up and decided my previous day's tireness and overwhelming feeling wasn't helping the situation, and so, "callas" (finished) with that; today was going to be the turning point. And it was. Little by little successes grew from getting the staff going on that tukel, to straightening out orders, to other things, slowly slowly.

Slowly slowly. What great words! In Guatemala: poco a poco, (little by little). In Kenya: Poli poli, (small, small). In Nuer: Matr matr (slow slow). That's it, around the world, people are climbing Mountains one step at a time, why not here? Okay, the wire cutters weren't that important, what other reason is out there, why I cannot climb the mountain in front of me now?

Also, I held another math lesson. It was great, I really think the staff are getting somewhere. At the end of it, we talked about the future plans for the TB compound and patient numbers, and the staff surprised me about their concern too. I was able to turn that concern into a question to them of what we can do, and they answered by getting back to work, and working damn hard on that tukel. It now has a roof structure and tomorrow the thatching crew is arriving at 0600 to start. Wow.

Evert and I reviewed the compound and he showed me what other land we can take over from the community to expand the compound, and we decided on priorities and scheduling. I found someone who can get me materials for a good price, (hard to find hungry people to do that) and we are getting materials for far cheaper cost than before. Slowly slowly.

So, I guess that takes me up to today.

People have asked what a day looks like, so here goes:

- 0730 wake/dress/brush/go, opps slept too late. Meet with Log supervisor discuss plans, agree on prices etc.
- 0800 morning meeting with expat team.
- rest of morning: resolve getting drugs and other supplies to clinics, address small staffing issues (what do you mean your daughter was married but they didn't pay enough cows and now you need to get her back, or more cows and this will take you a week to resolve?) finalize cargo for the 5 different stops for Sunday's flight, figure out why our WFP food isn't here, hopefully before Saturday's TB distribution, etc.
- 1200, lunch then siesta!
- 1220, Maybe just quick lunch and siesta tomorrow, so I can go to meeting with the local authority. (Why does he want me now? Can't he see the sun is right up top, and my head is smoking?)
- 1300, pushing back a crowd of onlookers who are trying to help me pull up a leadline, as we are trying to determine the depth of water in a pump with a problem. ("No really, I would be faster if you didn't help me, thank you.") At one point I gave up, and let the five people lower a string down the hole. That's interesting, I'm going to remind them of their helpfulness when WFP comes around.
- 1400, staff supervisor meeting. Discussion: "we want more pay. With MSF B, they pay $95 for CHWs and $50 for guards! It is inhumane what you pay us." "Yes, but we fly in soap, salt, oil and maize for you, at a tremendous cost." "That's different." And so they explained it all, and we explained it all.
- 1500, (Ah good, a plane came, I can leave the meeting for a bit.)
- 1530, (Wow, same topic, still.)... and they explained it all...
- 1600, back to work for everyone. Time to check the storekeepers stock check. "Just like last week, and the weeks before that, you have to count the items, not just put the stock card number down. Remember WHY do we do stock checks?" "To see if something is missing?" "Yes, how will we know if something is missing, is we don't count the things?" "You're pretty smart." "Sometimes it feels like a curse."
- 1630 Boom! Tin can in fire going off. Now there is a fire near the fence and someone told me the fence is burning. That really got the blood pumping! Fire out, back to work.
-1700 few more instructions on constructions and other planned works. (Like building fire breaks in the fence) Teach (again) the water lady staff how to clean the water jerrycans.
-1800, finish consulting on water pump situation in market (slightly offending authorities with my unwillingness to race forward on a repair, when it risks damaging their pump to a future unuseable state.)
-1900, wander back to the compound in little daze, (oh day, please be over). Where is the guard? We have many guards, but I cannot find any. Ah, there he is. "Why weren't you guarding the gate?" "Nothing happens at the gate, I'm not needed there." "Okay. You're fired. Please on your way out can you ask the next guard if he feels it is important to stay at the gate?" "Please don't fire me. I'll stay at the gate." "Alright. I reconsidered. I'll hire you back as long as you stay at the gate." "I will!" "Okay, Goodnight."
-1930 Can everything else wait till tomorrow. Well not really. I should tell Evert I upset the authorities and he may have to defend me from some thirsty people who want to fix their pump tomorrow. They don't want to show me how a pipe wrench can do the job of a blow torch, and that one detail can make the pump unuseable for good.
-2000 Finished. Sammy made some chips and cabbage, great food. A little emailing home, (why is the battery out of power? I charged it all day. That can definately wait till tomorrow.) and now sleep.

So there it is, a day in South Sudan.

(Other quick news:

- It has been decided that George, our goat that had far too much personality to kill and eat, will be used as an anatomy lesson with the national medical staff, and then eaten. We are upsetting people by not eating their gift to us. "Please explain again, what is a pet?" This way we can recognize his special nature, by not just cooking him, but remembering him, a little.
- Two baby eagles dropped from their nest and were attacked by the cats. Liz got to them before problems, so we adopted them. One of the pilots today said he was friends with a vet in Loki that rehabilitates large wild birds. Bye guys!
- As always, the expat team here is wonderful.
- Bats flap about a lot in this tukel at night, it is a nice breeze.
- There was a fire in the SRRC compound across the way, and the fence
burned very quickly. Everything is very dry and ready to go. I re-planned some buildings for fire-breaks, and will add fire-breaks to the compound fence. Especially after today's fire.

Well, I'm going to survive this one, or at least pick something really big to be the reason why I didn't. It's late. Take care of yourselves, goodnight,

Love,
Steve


Message #22 March 9, 2004



Hello Mom and Dad,

On Friday afternoon I was appointed, "team leader," a point of communication position with the team, since Evert, our Project coordinator, was taken out due to medical illness. 10 hours later I sent the following message to Loki:

"Fire in compound. No one hurt. Significant losses of compound and stores."

I finished my vacation on the 24th of Feb, and two weeks later I was well into the routine of Lankien, which is no routine at all. Since landing there nearly 6 months ago, I have been in a daze where I often think, "I can't believe this," and that fascination of the, "Lankien normal life," continues.

At approximately 2200 on Friday night (March 5th), a fire started in our lab. The alarm was raised and people quickly went into action towards trying to move fire fuel away from the fire's path, and empty any structure in the area.

By 2300, the fire had consumed our lab/logistic tool store, our expat food store, our office, our pharmacy, our specialized food store, a number of smaller structures, three expat tukels, and the hearts and minds of many. No one was hurt beyond minor cuts, minor bruises and minor burns. Besides the burned structures and stockpiles of things (wood, grass, pipes, pump rods, etc) much fencing was destroyed as we tried to steal it away from the path of the fire. The fire was an awesome, powerful force. Often a burst of embers would be sent up in the air, and a crew would run downwind to put them out before they lit other tukels. I think many things caught fire due to these embers, and the heat a fire like that has, even at 5 meters away.

By 2330, the fire was under control. Under control meaning limited in how much it grabbed. The fire breaks we torn in the fence and structures was enough to limit it. There were still bangs and booms as different things overheated, but the fire wasn't spreading any more. We assembled on the airstrip with a small pile of gear, which was all we were able to save of the compound.

Our radio antenna and power supply cables were burned, our mini-m satellite cable was a little burned (I think that is the reason it wasn't working) two Thuraya sat phones were gone, and the third one had problems transmitting, and our portable Q-mac radios were fine, but in the night time the atmosphere is difficult to transmit, so that wasn't working either. We were without comms, but no one was hurt.

At 2334 I called on the not-so-working thuraya sat phone to Arjan, our head of mission. He answered, but could not hear me, so after some time hung up. 5 minutes later, I received a call, again I could not be heard, but at least he knew something was up.
Earlier that day, as he was appointing me team leader, he asked if he should hold off on his vacation with his family the following week, to give support to me. And now, 10 hours later, close to midnight, he gets a call from Lankien, and no voice. Sorry Arjan.

Over the next couple of hours we moved into the CMA (other NGO in Lankien) compound and were able to make a power supply and borrow their radio antenna and cable, then transmit to Loki our situation.

In the morning fires were still burning (smaller though) and it was setting in our minds what happened. We could look through the compound, where before we couldn't. What a sight it was; what destruction.

Plans were made, and meetings held with the team and counterparts.The community was good, but not great. Many MSF and personal things got looted during the night. The community asked people to bring them back, (even the local prophet claimed that people who kept things would be sick for 3-4 days), but many things were missing, that were not burned. Many things were burned though. Our most vital stores were gone. Gone, meaning leveled. There was a large cooking pot outside a storeroom, and in the morning I saw half of it, the other half was melted. (Wow.)

By mid-day, the Chiefs, Headmen and other Leaders of the clans and families that make our community gathered by the lab for a ceremony. They had been in discussion all night, and talking to their people. They had concluded the fire was not caused by the intent of a person, but rather an act of God. As such, the Prophet preached a little, other Headmen spoke of peace and good will, and a goat was sacrificed on the spot, as an offering to God, and to ask for forgiveness for whatever caused him to do this.

Over the night, all (175 TB and 145 KA) patients fled. The next day, they returned, but with little hope of continuing their treatment. Again, as before in the staff strike, as before when we were evacuating, as before at the close of many days, they looked to us for a sign that they were not alone. This situation, this location, and this political mess, does not make it easy for handing out hope.

During the Saturday, we arranged a flight and a plan for a team to come in to handle some things, as we left to Loki for a break. It was a long week with another threatened staff strike, a security situation, and the fire, and now the team would need some rest before sorting out the mess. The flight was delayed, and the team spirits sank a little. Fortunately, one of the vaccine carriers that was brought in "special" the day of the fire, was brought back to the compound, and inside of it was some cold beers and ice cream. Status report improved greatly: "One compound burned down, yet still have cold beers," the circus continues.

The following morning, we got our plane, and by 1200 handed over the mess and were heading to Loki for a de-brief. Arjan was there, (as he does during evacuations) and the much needed rest and recuperation began.

We have been briefing and drawing up plans for later this week. For now, time to rest. We plan to go back in on the weekend, and until some things are settled, we will just be holding operations, settling the hopes of the 175 TB and 145 Kala Azar patients.

It is a tricky place to work, the remoteness, the fire hazards, the lack of food and water, etc, etc, make it a difficult place to work. I asked Arjan how our donors felt about things like the fire and other evacuation costs. He replied, "as long as there is a need (indicated by are hundreds of people coming in to the clinics,) and as long as there is no official authority to take over our work, and as long as MSF is not a target in the insecurities, then MSF and the donors behind us, will be there." "But the costs, but the costs!" I protested (thinking of the night everything went up in smoke.) He paused and then replied, "Lankien is one of the most cost effective programs, for the results we see. We have cure rates in Kala Azar equal to hospitals in North Sudan. TB experts do not accept the cure rates we experience in Lankien, stating it cannot be done in insecure locations like Lankien. Lankien, and the people there are worth it!" "Okay." I'm convinced, "let's re-build."

Lots and lots of Love Mom and Dad and everyone else.

Please Note: This experience has taken away justification for me to have a bad day for the rest of my life. I hope this email finds you equally fortunate.

Love,

Steve